dive in

Today, I decided I'm taking this blog in a different direction by taking my life in a different direction. Is it bad that sometimes I secretly wished that I didn't have a choice to not have a full time job so I wouldn't feel bad about starting my own business?

What happened to the carefree attitude we had as children who wasn't afraid to be crazy and dream big? When I was younger, I dared to dream limitless dreams, and I was serious about fulfilling each one of them. I loved exploring new hobbies, subjects, and activities. Becoming a cardiac pediatrician, an ER doctor, opening a faith-based children's hospital. Alongside all of this, I also wanted to be a children's book author/illustrator, architect at some point in my life, conductor, elementary school teacher. At some point in my life becoming the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services to the future President of the United States (John Lin) seemed realistic to me. All those dreams now intimidate me today.

As I got older and became more conservative, I became more realistic, and lowered my expectations and goals. Perhaps I became scared of failure, not being able to achieve those goals. Being "too crazy," as my friends would respond when I shared these aspirations. So then, all I wanted was to fit into the "norm", be a "normal" person, and strive towards a "typical" lifestyle. For me, this meant getting married, and being a stay-at-home mom, and maybe alongside mom-life running some sort of small business venture in my spare time (while the kids took their afternoon naps). And that was all I wanted.

Recently, as I was evaluating what drives me and why I found starting at the bottom of a corporation and working my way up to be unappealing. By nature, I have an extremely entrepreneurialistic spirit. This meant, I wanted to create my own causes and work towards resolving them. I needed work where I could take full ownership of because I came up with the original idea, in order to motivate me. Sitting around a cubicle, waiting for my boss to come up with some "project" was not going to inspire me to fully realize my abilities.

This was when I caught myself. I'm too scared to take risks, too scared to dream big. I want what's stable and safe for myself, even if that means I'll have to give up the opportunity to make a big impact for others. I'm too selfish. I'm scared to take a risk and lose everything I have, in hopes of realizing my dreams to make the world a better place. Too scared to pursue my heart's passion-- teaching piano or opening my own restaurant-- because it doesn't utilize my college degree. (And who doesn't utilize their college degree after spending so much money on tuition?!)

But being risk averse-- that's not how the leaders at the top companies, the leaders of the top churches, and the leaders of our nation function. That's not how your best friend operates. Even your best friend will take the risk of being honest and tell you things you don't want to hear to make you a better person. And that's the value of a best friend. In the same way, the only way you'll ever make a big impact in someone else's life is to take risks. Dream big.

That's where this post is coming in. Today I'm revisiting my life with a new perspective. I still have the same values, and I still want to be a stay-at-home mom. But who said I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom AND be heavily involved in the church community, AND still make an impact in the community through the corporate world? Typical people don't do that, but who said I can't do that? Many people would say, "you can do anything, but not everything." True, maybe not everything, but only the dreamers and people who did things others thought they could never do make the biggest impact in our world. Even the churches with a congregation where the members are strong in their faith have a pastor who isn't afraid to do new and different things. While others are still opposing because they'd much rather live a comfortable, familiar life, the leaders of these churches are pushing to advance onto bigger better ideas. This is how I desire to live. I'm aspiring to be the next (and/or first) stay-at-home mom who will also be making an impact through my church community, and also through some channel in the corporate world. Even though this means I won't be working in a corporation (you can take my word on this), I'd like to launch and manage a start-up. Yes, that will mean that I need to spend time "working", but while it's a "company" by definition, it won't feel or be a job for me. I'll be sure that it is no different from a hobby that I'm passionate about, and whatever dollars (if any) that come out of it, they're only following as a reward additional to the first reward, which is an intrinsic reward of pure happiness and enjoyment of life that matters to me.

Nothing is ever too big to overcome. Take risks, dive in, and shoot for the stars.