Lost in Translation

hmm... another follow up to the previous post: watch this.

i think the most important thing this interview shows is a totally different side of her. she explains herself-- which was pretty much what i assumed she meant when i read her article, but did not realize was totally not what 2384723089237872 other people were thinking when they read her article. this is interesting, because i never once considered what the majority of the others would have thought. however, this brings up an important point: the things we say can totally get lost in translation.

based on the simple few words that someone communicates to us, whatever is not said gets communicated even further. these are the assumptions that go on in the listener's mind in between sentences. when we listen to someone else share their thoughts, we fill in the silences with assumptions with our own ideas, rather than asking questions to clarify or confirm what they mean. sometimes, we walk away interpreting the entire hour-long conversation with our ideas painted over what they were trying to communicate.

misunderstandings can be painful. you say something, people think another, but don't tell you, and then a month later, someone else comes back and asks you about it because they disagree... and you wonder, where is all of this coming from? i think its important, in any relationship (friendship, work, discipleship, marriage, whatever), if you disagree to any degree, to clarify again and again. this is more difficult than we think, because it's hard to realize that we need to ask the questions. it may seem "obvious" to you, but the reason why someone else says something may totally be different from why you would say that thing.

this is just proven by the many people who read her article in the WSJ without actually reading the full book. i don't think chua intended for her book to be interpreted in such a way to elicit such a widespread firey response. as she explains further in the video, she loved her children. she concedes to their wishes too (such as quitting the violin), but not without putting up the battle first. i believe this is a good practice, because children don't necessarily make the most rational decisions. and perhaps this is why i loved her so much-- because i related. i did find her tongue-in-cheek tone humorous. (i think she intentionally did this to make her book more extreme and funny to read, but i also think many people missed it and just misinterpreted it as a strongly condescending, self-righteous, and ignorant tone.) my parents did the same as i was growing up-- they challenged everything i tell them, whether or not deep down inside they agreed or not. even to this day, they still do. and i expect them to.

but, i believe that good parents know what's best for their children, but their children misunderstand their intentions. i appreciate when my parents challenge my decisions, even as an adult when they essentially have no more responsibility for what i do or what i become. i believe they're able to see the bigger picture, and they know and remember all the times in the past when i've given up and regretted, or given up and succeeded-- when in the heat of the current decisions, i can't discern those patterns as well. when i share my decisions with my parents, they will always challenge them even if they agree. they want to make sure i've thought over every consequence of my decision, don't want me to regret any decision i make. whether they agree or not with my decision, they fully support it after knowing i've fully considered everything and foud the convictions. i really appreciate that they challenge me...

i believe this illustration is also very similar to our relationship with God. He loves us so much more than we could ever imagine. He is our creator. similarly, our parents had the same desire-- they bore, loved, and cared for us. and when we make decisions, He will almost always test them. it doesn't necessarily means that He doesn't love us when He tests us. when He doesn't fulfill or answer our prayers, there's a reason behind that... and we need to believe that His plans are even greater and better than our own desires because He is in control. we know this because the Bible says it. similarly, with our parents, while they are not God and there is no bible of promises from them, we should also take their opinions and advice into consideration, and then believe and hope that they have our best interests in mind for us.

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[ sidenote: i agree there is a point where parents can fail and take it too far where they try to impart the dreams they never achieved onto their high expectations for their children-- but let me venture a step further by saying that just indicates that the parents were never secure enough with themselves and were not ready for parenting. i believe many asian parents do suffer from this syndrome due to the pressures they experienced as they were growing up too. i've seen the exteme asian parents' method backfire in several of my friends, and i think there needs to be a balance. i have several friends with eating disorders. friends who did not graduate from college because they couldn't find their own identity when they did not have their parents' voice telling them what they wanted or disciplining them. parents' overprotective instincts ruining their child's opportunity to make decisions and create a future for themselves.

however, this just goes to show that parenting is a humbling and difficult responsibility that as children we don't recognize in our parents. children are unpredictable. it's a scary experience when you're just flying by the seat of your pants not really knowing what to expect from your child. in fact, chua's article is just one of many iillustrations of the humility required to be a good parent. as an intelligent and successful career woman who seemed to have control over everything else, she was okay with this uncontrollable lack of balance she only experienced when she became a mom. she humbly recognized her need to depend on her spouse and be okay with him being the more liked "nice" or "cool" dad to balance them out.

this is why i love and admire chua's boldness. i believe she just shows that we have a lot to learn, even if we think we've got it all figured out-- we never really do. we have a lot to learn from our spouses, our children's voices, from our own parents, and from other moms. ]