i'm sure by now you've all heard about the controversial WSJ article, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior" i agree and disagree with Chua's statements on many levels, but though she writes with an extremist tone, so many of those things ring true with me. my parents were FAR from her practices, and I definitely believe that they excelled in parenting by finding the perfect balance between the two. so as I read this article, I read it more with a sarcastic, paradical tone. and I laughed. while I don't agree with her style of parenting, I must argue that a lot of her points are correct in my experience. now that doesn't mean it's going to work with every child... i believe that each child is different and parents need to be flexible and sensitive to the differences from child to child in order to find the most effective ways in parenting.
anyways, i ramble and digress. the point of this post was that when i read the article, the following paragraph rang freakishly true for me:
What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.I remember the early days when I would fight with my dad at the piano. he would sacrifice 2 hours after work every night at the piano with me... and i would roll around on the ground until he'd get tired of me and drag me out from underneath the piano and plop me down on the piano bench. i hated the word "again" and drilling the same three notes for 30 minutes straight. but the breakthrough came in 3rd grade when I won my first competition... and from that day on, he never even had to tell me to practice again. i'd do it voluntarily, sometimes 3, 4, 5 hours at a time. and today, i'm so grateful that he did push me because i can't imagine what my life would be like without piano. the same happened for me in violin as well...in two years, i improved from 29th chair in the 2nd violins in 5th grade, to being concertmistress in 7th grade... a chair i made sure i kept until graduation day in high school.
Chua had a point: it works. and i agree. but i think had my dad maintained that same attitude past middle school, it would've backfired greatly. and that's what i'm talking about in finding the balance. early discipline succeeded by gradually loosening the reins once the foundations have been laid.
so i forwarded the links on to my dad in a recent email exchange, and his response:
"Cathy, I thought this was a very interesting article. Compared to her standard, I am not a real 'Chinese Mom' ha, ha..."
and my response: "hahaha, yes, definitely not... and i'm very grateful for that today! :)"
...i love my dad.
a picture of my family at dinner after my piano concerto performance at the Hill Auditorium in April 2010.p.s. in case you were interested: an interesting response article.
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