lately, i've been going through some difficult times. i've been confronted with a lot of past hurts-- the loss of my mom 12 years ago, former friendships that no longer are, past relationships that i walked away from before i could recognize that i was more wounded than i let myself admit. while i can confidently say that God's brought me through tremendous healing from those events, through a few recent situations God opened my eyes to see how those things still can affect who i am today in my relationships with people, and how i often respond negatively or unlovingly when they hurt me.
because of the myriad of things floating around in the abyss of my thoughts from both old and fresh issues, it's been an emotionally difficult few weeks. i can't remember the last time (before this) when i'd be at work and have to fight to keep welled up tears from rolling out of the corners of my eyes. a few nights ago, despite my exhaustion, i tossed and lay awake in my bed all night. this past wednesday, as i was walking through meijer at 8am before work, i uncontrollably burst into tears in the middle of the cereal aisle. most of my friends tell me it's difficult to read me emotionally... some tell me nicely by saying i'm really "strong"-- but maybe the more accurate truth is-- perhaps i've just learned to hide it all too well. ummm well..... i think God has been breaking that.......
despite the hardships, i truly praise God because he's been speaking to me so much throughout this season. an image that repeatedly comes up is through this idea of "valleys". one morning, the lyrics of caedmon's call's "valleys fill first" came to mind and caught my attention:
but it's here in this valley that i'm surrounded by You
though i'm not here by my will, it's where Your view is the most clear
so i'll stay in this valley if it takes forty years
...forty years?! i haven't even been alive for that long... that would mean my entire life thus far would've been in the dumps... which praise God, it hasn't.... but i guess it really does give me a better perspective that what i'm going through right now is nowhere near that...
in my times with God, these two verses in particular stuck out:
(yes, i know that's a canyon and not a valley, but it's similar...) but really. that's kind of what it looked like... and at the bottom of the valleys, the view really IS clear and beautiful...
then God revealed to me that perhaps this is how i've been living most of my life:
(hanging off the edge of a cliff, trying hard not to fall into the valleys...)
but you know what!? in these valleys / canyons... the echoes are amazing. when you shout... it resonates throughout the whole place.
..and that's when it made sense. God said: "i know it's hard. i know you're in the valley. but stop trying to get out of it so quickly. it's okay that you're here. because when you call out to me, i hear you. i hear it most clearly. it resonates, echoes, and is music to my ears."
it's in the valley, that we meet God most intimately. it's in the valley, that music to Him is written. it's in these last few weeks, that God's repurposed some of my former passions for music to be directed to him. lyrics to follow shortly. stay tuned!
despite the hardships, i truly praise God because he's been speaking to me so much throughout this season. an image that repeatedly comes up is through this idea of "valleys". one morning, the lyrics of caedmon's call's "valleys fill first" came to mind and caught my attention:
but it's here in this valley that i'm surrounded by You
though i'm not here by my will, it's where Your view is the most clear
so i'll stay in this valley if it takes forty years
...forty years?! i haven't even been alive for that long... that would mean my entire life thus far would've been in the dumps... which praise God, it hasn't.... but i guess it really does give me a better perspective that what i'm going through right now is nowhere near that...
in my times with God, these two verses in particular stuck out:
"comfort, comfort, my people, says your God. speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the Lord's hand double for all her sins... every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low, the rough ground shall become level, and the rugged places a plain. and the glory of the lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. for the mouth of the Lord has spoken." - Isaiah 40: 1-5
"but i the Lord will answer them; i, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. i will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys." - Isaiah 41:17-18and as i prayed, i was reminded of the beauty of being in the valleys, and an image like the one below came to mind:
(yes, i know that's a canyon and not a valley, but it's similar...) but really. that's kind of what it looked like... and at the bottom of the valleys, the view really IS clear and beautiful...
then God revealed to me that perhaps this is how i've been living most of my life:
(hanging off the edge of a cliff, trying hard not to fall into the valleys...)
but you know what!? in these valleys / canyons... the echoes are amazing. when you shout... it resonates throughout the whole place.
..and that's when it made sense. God said: "i know it's hard. i know you're in the valley. but stop trying to get out of it so quickly. it's okay that you're here. because when you call out to me, i hear you. i hear it most clearly. it resonates, echoes, and is music to my ears."
it's in the valley, that we meet God most intimately. it's in the valley, that music to Him is written. it's in these last few weeks, that God's repurposed some of my former passions for music to be directed to him. lyrics to follow shortly. stay tuned!
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