strengthless

these last few days have been really difficult. after finally being able to resolve some decisions and tie some loose ends up, i felt very peaceful. life was good. i was soaring with God. but then came a very difficult phone call to take. i tried to avoid it... the first night, i let it go to voice mail. but then the second night when they called, i had to take it, just out of courtesy.

i don't want to share the details here in the open, but you can ask me about it in person if you're curious. let's just say, i had to say no. (thank goodness i reflected a few posts back on this.) it was probably the most difficult no i have said in my life. thank goodness i had conviction to fall back on, or else i don't think i could have mustered up the courage to squeeze that tiny two-letter word out of me. conviction got me through the phone call, but after i hung up, i couldn't help but think about it. what am i doing? was i crazy to have said no to the proposal i received in the phone call? but i knew the answer had to be no because it was not aligned with my conviction. but i also couldn't believe it. and why me, why now? what was the purpose of that phone call? and what if, i had said yes?

i need You. give me the strength to continue following based upon a pure obedience, a simple desire to know you more, and the genuine overflow of love for You.