bon voyage

one of my M4 friends from Hope gave me laura story's CD for my birthday last week, and it's been on repeat in my car since. it's amazing how much her lyrics have been ministering to me on my drives every day. yesterday, one of the songs came on as i was driving out to northville, and the lyrics "this is not our home" really stuck with me for the rest of the day. 

i have a confession to make. i have contradictory tendencies. one of the most frustrating, being this "escapist" mentality. a constant desire to spontaneously pick up whenever, go whereever, and the ability to just do it without much planning or thought, if i felt strongly enough about it. some associate it to a potential call to missions... but i think i just love traveling, and i don't mind going without a companion. i like seeing God's different people in different places. lately, i've been in this mindset often-- to the point where another one of my friends got me a "bon voyage" piece of jewelry-- which i absolutely L-O-V-E!! (thank youuu!)

but i recognize that this mentality is extremely dangerous.. even currently living in a city that i'm in love with and could see myself settling in, i've been itching to pick up and go... go anywhere... in this country, in this world. a sense of whimsical non-commitment, that if i didn't have my current commitments to keep me anchored, i don't think i'd be here right now.

on the flip side, there is also often a part of me that desires to look for comfort, stability, belonging, and "a home" on this earth. i think we can all relate with the transient, suspended feeling of looking for an apartment to call home for next year, a city to ultimately settle in (and raise a family), and a place of belonging. but the more i seek those things, the more dissatisfied i feel... because i don't think i'll ever perfectly fit anywhere or perfectly belong to anyone. 

Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.

perhaps this sense of unsettledness is God's way of reminding me that this world is not our home, but being where God wants me to be is Home. perhaps the tension between these contradicting tendencies is exactly what God wants in each of our souls. a desire to to be completely willing and free to go (or stay) whereever He calls. and when we're fully living in His perfect will, in His presence, that is the only Home that will fully satisfy.

---- 

"what if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? and what if trials of life-- the rain, the storms, the hardest nights-- are your mercies in disguise?" 
blessings, laura story

Then Jesus asked them, "When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?" "Nothing," they answered. 
Luke 22:35