dear moms

dear mom, 

today, i worked my 12 hour day-- it was long, busy, and stressful, but i'm thankful that i still really like my job. after work, i went to go meet up with a good friend of mine, and we ate korean fried chicken and kimchi fries together. there, i ran into another good friend of mine that i haven't seen in a while. and on my way home from work, stepmom called to thank me for the birthday card i sent her, and we got to chat on the phone for an hour. 

even after 11 years, i don't think there's a day that passes without me stopping to think about you at some point, and what it'd be like if you were still around. what else i'd share with you, and the things that we could laugh about. usually, those times happen when i'm driving in the car. some days, it gets to me more than other days. but then we get to where i need to be, and i have to turn those thoughts and emotions off and continue on with my day. i sometimes wonder if this is normal, or if there will ever be a day when it doesn't affect me-- and that's what should be normal.

many people say i have a tough exterior and i never cry, and they are so wrong. the truth is, i still get shaken up by these things in my past. none of us are tough-- it's only in Christ we have strength, but life will also never be exactly the way we want it to be. and if i keep letting the things in my past keep me in a state of emotional wreck, i'll never get anything done in life. i just have to keep moving on, no matter how tough the days get. no more pity parties for myself. anyway, i hope you are doing well. what color is heaven? i'm convinced that they're maize and blue-- maize bricks and blue skies. :-) 


dear mom #2, 

this is the first time i'm calling you that.. but i think the "step" title is falling off officially. because the truth is-- you are my second mom, and i respect that. thank you for teaching me how to love-- because, at first, i didn't want to love you. i didn't want anybody else to replace the place of my mom. but you became part of my family, and i had to learn. you didn't come to replace her, but rather you came to extend her love to me even after she was gone. 

thank you for always sharing honestly with me about your hardships and struggles. i honestly don't know how you do it all. thank you for loving me as your own daughter-- and not stepdaughter. thank you for listening, caring and praying-- and most greatly, the laughter we share. you taught me how to be a girl-- in a household of 5 other "boys". and for that, i will be forever grateful. i'm glad you're around, and i know i can always trust and depend on you. happy "30th" birthday, "young" mom! ;)