should be in bed right now

ok a lot has been on my mind lately-- but i haven't had nearly enough time to process through it all. however, in a nutshell here are pieces of my thoughts that i wanted to jot down before they become but a fleeting memory.

this fast that my church has been doing has been dece. honestly, since it's not as challenging as past years, it hasn't been as powerful. i'm not as desperate. but that's not the point. i should be just as desperate, and it's my own shortcomings that keep me from encountering this crazy level of intimacy with Jesus Christ. well, anyways. i'm thinking about extending the fast so i can keep experiencing Christ at a heightened level.

yet, His grace goes further, and his mercy abundant. few things about this week:

1) rough start to the week. two terms that might as well be swear words in my vocabulary right now: "grant reporting season" and "fiscal year-end". man. been getting owned left and right at work by these two things. started off the week being ill-prepared for our grant meeting that was the first thing in the week. since i was sick last week and took a few days off, and had a revival meeting at church this past weekend, my data analysis was not as thorough a i would've liked it to be. the result: a rough meeting with the bosses.

2) to make it worse, we had a rectal exam go wrong. real wrong. after a rough meeting, i then encountered poop on the floor in one of our patient exam rooms. literally. one thing i've learned in the non-profit world: everyone does everything. someone's gotta do it! lo and behold, i remembered p. james's testimony about the time when he cleaned the outhouse which led to an imam coming to know Christ. so i grabbed a roll of paper towel and fantastik, and got to work. Jesus communed with the dirty, and even more, he loved them. i'm still working on that. no time for complaining.

3) one of my bosses found out i was fasting this week. she offered to join me in fasting today, and we got to pray and fast together for our patients and co-workers during lunch. that was really powerful. she's 60-some and has been following Christ for longer than i've been alive. woman of annointing prayers, she is.

4) Christ redeems. in the midst of what was a week where i constantly felt like a failure for falling short no matter how hard or little i tried, i received another promotion. though small, it was significant. full benefits! which means full health insurance coverage and peace of mind. hallelujah. it wasn't a pink slip-- which was what i truly deserved. now i can go sky diving. j/k.

5) His grace is abundant. while seeing one of my 62 year-old patients, she shared that she recently lost her job. it seemed to be really affecting her physical and mental health, and i sensed she was hurting. we talked a little longer, and she started to really open up about some of her current struggles. "but i am a tough cookie," she claimed, and one fat tear that she couldn't contain rolled down her cheek. uncertain if she was a believer or not, i felt greatly burdened to pray for her, so i asked if she would let me pray for her. as i prayed in faith over her, i could sense God's power in that room. His healing was all over that woman, and it was crazy. i really felt like one day she is going to be able to not only walk again, but run.

this week, i've been repeatedly reminded of my purpose at Hope Clinic. it truly isn't just a job-- but a calling. a fantastic opportunity to be serving in the midst of the hurting-- those who are not just sick, but those who are hopeless, desperate, and needy. and what they need most, i realized, is not the services we have to offer, but more. they need Jesus. the harvest is abundant and the workers are few, and i haven't been the most faithful at work lately. but even experiencing a glimpse of that woman's peace and joy after i prayed for her tonight was a reminder that this is what i wake up for every day.

that alone makes it worth it for me to keep doing this every day for the rest of my life.

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hehe thursday update: one of my patients was so thankful he gave me a fistpound. #rockin.