can't do it all...

if you haven't heard about it yet, there was an article called "Why Women Still Can't Have It All" in the july/august issue of The Atlantic that quickly spread and received much attention and criticism. i'm not here to give you a full-out commentary, nor condone or refute the article's views on feminism and all that stuff. but i can tell you this-- i don't want to have. 

the rigor of the Stephen M. Ross School of Business BBA program trained me to think that i need to have it all in order to be considered a decent human being. you need to work at an investment bank or consulting firm to be considered a successful individual. in my summer internships on wall street, they hosted women's networking evenings where we would go to classy bars and restaurants, wine and dine on the company's tab, and get reassured by highly accomplished powerful women that i could do it-- "sure, i needed to make some sacrifices, but i would eventually learn to make it work somehow..." 

i never bought into that, and i still don't, because, at the end of the day, i look past their six-digit figure salaries and see: a nanny who knows more than the mother what makes her child laugh, an estranged husband who prefers to spend his weekends flying to florida to golf with his clients, and an overworked woman who's trying as hard as she can to somehow make it all work... because people like these women tell you it does... somehow. but it doesn't. 

i don't want to have. but i just want to do.

in the past, i've struggled a lot with finding worth in what i do. defining myself by my accomplishments and how well i can perform to build a stellar reputation. (i blame my tiger upbringing for that... except that they were the most lenient asian parents ever. but really. regardless of parents, i think this is a serious cultural sin.) it's definitely something that still sticks with me these days-- i like to stay busy, and it doesn't help that i have so many passions. 

but there's only 24 hours a day, and working over 60 hours in a week drives me insane. (i don't know how i once managed to not mind 120-hour investment banking weeks. i must have really had no life...) i can't be in two places at once. i don't do things well if i'm spread so thin and distracted trying to do so many different things. my dad always told me to choose one thing and focus, but i seem to have trouble focusing because i like too many things. i love the fact that i don't work a full-time job, but rather 4 part time jobs that add up to more than a full-time job.

it's not that i want to do it to get something out of it or somehow earn my worth, but i just do it because i love it... but maybe i love too many things. 

for a while, i'm loving life because i'm doing everything i love as a job-- a privilege that most young adults don't have. some days, i actually fool myself into thinking i'm actually doing a good job juggling and balancing life, until that one conflict comes up when i need to be in two places at once. and then it's all of a sudden not so fun anymore, but rather, more stressful because i want to do more, but i can't. there simply aren't enough hours in the day. 

so then i'm faced with the terrible truth: you can't do it all. you're only one person. those words kill me to hear... but it's the truth: it's time to learn how to prioritize and focus. prioritize jesus, and focus on the family.

but one thing that is very true of Anne-Marie Slaughter's Atlantic article: "Ultimately, it is society that must change, coming to value choices to put family ahead of work just as much as those who put work ahead of family." no one can have it all. nor can anyone can do it all.

unless... you know Jesus. if you have Jesus, then you already have it all. and the best part... you don't need to do anything, because He already did it all.