never forget

...where you came from. 

i think this is something that i've repeatedly been challenged by over the last few years. the b-school trained me to think i was one of the "leaders and the best"... they constantly told us how we were one of the best business schools. that we have privileges that others don't. that corporate recruiters covet our students. however, i often find myself stopping to wonder, "is it true confidence that they're building in their students by repeatedly reinforcing the title, the degree, and everything we're entitled to?"

while reading [this article on Harvard Business Review] last week, it really made me think more. it's so easy to get caught up in being defined by your "brand", the school's brand, a title, a degree. and somehow, all those things add up to tell you that you're good... in fact, so good that you're better than others. that you worked your butt off and "earned" the degree, "earned" the job you have, "deserve" to be treated better..... and somehow after working all those years, somehow, we're magically "entitled" to something better-- that we don't deserve to be treated poorly, that we're above doing the grunt work and the menial tasks that we once were subjected to doing when we started as a lowly intern. and i totally admit i'm guilty of all of the above mentality... and when i was a subservient intern on wall street, i had absolutely no sense of self-worth to the point where i feared everything that spoke and walked, trembling to obey and do exactly as they said... that girl that got stepped all over, that people took advantage of. 

but it takes exactly that-- being in the humbling, lowly position-- to learn the most. only when i was lower than the lowest, i had nothing to lose and everything to gain. but somehow, upon entering the professional world and building up your personal brand, you have a reputation on the line. all of a sudden, it's easy to not want to be associated with an intern... especially one that's failing left and right. it's easy to not want to be associated with those of lower social class. 

it took a five week trip before i faced the humbling reality that the conditions that were so foreign to me in indonesia were not far from what my parents experienced growing up. my parents and their parents worked from that position to get to the first world comforts i take for granted without thinking twice. then, i faced my own reality that wall street was only a dream of prosperity that less than 1% of this world tasted. but somehow, the b-school taught me to think that if you're not on wall street, you're not a worthy person. and man, did i buy into that. 

unraveling myself from the status-seeking, money and power-hungry corporate world was not an easy journey. more than once since graduation, i received phone calls from headhunters recruiting for corporate positions, sweet talking me into lucrative offers. "sounds good", i thought to myself... throwing me into a whirlwind of thoughts of "what am i doing here at this job... well, forget this, because i'm much better than what i'm doing right now..." but by God's grace, somehow those thoughts always brought me back to the reminder that my worth isn't defined by digits and figures. 

and now i sit here, being reminded again that i never want to be so far removed by status that i forget where i came from. i hope i never get to the point where i look upon interns and new employees with disdain, or scorn upon the work they are given to do. i vow to never be too good to do the dirty work. i still believe that God gave me my abilities and degrees for a very specific purpose, but until He's ready to use them for His kingdom, i'm challenged to obey and be faithful with what i'm called to now. if he gave me the status, power, and wealth any earlier, i would've squandered it all for myself and not for His glory. i hope i can still say the same when i go to grad school (if i ever), if i get a six-digit paycheck (if i ever), and still, when i near retirement (if retirement will still even be in the american vocabulary)...